Oct 5, 2010

God's Plan......

I have always believed it but with my plan from God unraveling it just makes me believe even more with my soul that God is always with us. It just sucks that there are people out there that will always judge my life and my decisions I make in it. I just wish some people would just be happy for me. I understand that my situation isn't ideal but still that shouldn't matter, they should be happy for me. I don't even feel like I can really express myself on my blog because it will just start crap that I don't have enough energy to start.

I am happy with my life, my decisions, and the way I am growing up.  I have made the best decisions for myself and my life and at the end of the day thats all that matters. But you see, I have always been the people pleaser and I am just sick of doing it. If I speak my mind I have too much backlash so I don't ever talk about it unless you are one of the very few people I tell.

It still breaks my heart that my little brother, Shaun is not speaking to me. He doesnt believe in me having this child which I cant even comphrend. And he has deleted me off facebook and that is just ridiculous because we are family no matter how much we fight. I just dont get him sometimes. All I want his for him to get  a job, finish high school and get himself on the right path. But when he cusses me out, and speaks to me like I am a POS, it hurts my heart and makes me want to not speak to him. I hope he realizes everything and realizes how selfish and childish this all is.

I have had a best friend for almost ten years! His name is Jason Arrollado and he is just a great guy. Of course I am going to say that about my best friend haha. But we have spoken probably almost everyday over the years and I never get sick of talking to him. We make each other laugh when we both want to cry. We know each other in and out probably better then we know ourselves. And for once in my life it doesn't make me scared that a man in this world knows everything about me; good, bad, silly, stupid, un-sexy, sexy, smart, not so smart, and so on. It doesn't make me want to hide anything about myself or change myself because he is my best friend because of who I am. Maybe they are right, your supposed to marry your best friend. haha But now I am truly finding that is a very true statement.

After being married and divorced I dont think being with someone for a year(s) will make the marriage better or make it worse. Yes I believe in knowing someone before you think about my marriage but I hate how society has made us believe that you should date for X amount of years, be engaged for X amount of years and then get married. Then wait X amount of months/years before having a child. How does society know your life, or your relationship or anything like that? How do they know your friendship of X amount of years/months turned into something more then a friendship and y'all want to take that next step in your life. How can anyone judge your life or think they know what is best for it if they are not in your shoes. Yes of course taking advice but doesnt mean you HAVE to follow that advice. Trust me I am all about proving the skeptics wrong, I dont mean to be that way it just happens. It pushes me to prove them wrong.

Sorry all of this has been weighing heavy on my heart and mind I just needed to get it out. For how outspoken I am, I have surprised myself that I keep a lot in. In fear of pissing  people off and then judging me and talking behind my back. I know pathetic. Lets justs say, if you dont approve of my lifestyle or the decisions I make, please do not write or post or read my blog. Thank You.

Well its almost my bedtime, yes I know I go to bed early haha. This baby just takes all my energy away from me! Sorry for such the LONG posts haha. PS I will be 11 weeks tomorrow!!!!!! :)


Chelsey - The Paper Mama said...

That's sad that your brother stopped talking to you. He's still young though. Hopefully once baby is here he'll think differently.

I voted for you too.

Nikki said...

Yea he is only 20 but still it hurts. Thanks for voting! :)

Lizzy Docea said...

Hey! My sister-in-law is 11 weeks along too. Congrats by the way. Babies are a blessing no matter if you're married, not married etc. And I know you know that because you're choosing to see the bright side of this :) This is your blog and you should be able to say what you want, when you want. It's your own little bubble. ;) Hope you have a fabulous rest of the week and keep strong girl! Things will get better <3

Mandy said...

Babies are always a miracle! I am so sorry to hear how your brother is acting. I am so excited about your baby. This baby was put on earth by God for a very specific, wonderful reason-- and that is reason to celebrate!

Happy 11 weeks!!! Are you going to find out the babys sex when it comes time?

Nikki said...

THANK YOU ladies soo much! And Lizzy I totally agree but then I will get backlash from certain people and I dont have the energy or time to deal with them haha.

Mandy Thank you! And I agree with you 100% :) And yes hopefully in 7 weeks I will find out what I am having!