weekend in pictures

Finally this weekend I actually remembered to take pictures and document our weekend!

I downloaded this new app called, retro camera onto my phone and I am obsessed with it.

Here are the pictures and hope you all had a great weekend also! :)

I heart this :)

Sangria, I was highly bummed

Baby B's First Birthday

All her & her mommy's presents (they share the same bday :) )

J made yummy brownies with frosting on top!

Happy Monday Everyone!

thirty weeks

30 weeks

30 weeks - bare belly :)

It is so surreal that I only have 10 more weeks!

TECHNICALLY only 6 more weeks till full term...

Seriously I think I am officially beyond excited and nervous all at the same time!

She is so active now 24/7, I feel like she never sleeps anymore.

I am still so tiny for 30 weeks but my midwife says I am all baby.

So if she isn't worried, I am not worried.

I have a breastfeeding class Saturday and super excited for!

I still haven't had my nesting stage yet, but I think after my baby shower it will kick into high gear ;)

I promise next week I will return to my normal almost every day blog posts.

I am feeling a ton better! Thank you for the well wishes! :)

Peace, Love, Tattoos :)

Side view

Had a mini photo shoot haha :)

Goodnight Ya'll!!

twenty nine ♥

So here we are again, with another week down. 

Apart of me is so over being pregnant then other days I love being pregnant.

I feel like a horrible person for being over pregnant, especially when I read about women who LOVE being pregnant.

I am only 11 weeks away from meeting my daughter.

I am still scared to go into labor but then again excited for it.

I hope all these feelings are normal. 

29 Weeks

She is still VERY high up if you couldn't tell in the picture. 

I forget how big I have gotten, and how high I am carrying.

Went to the Dr's yesterday and it was a very quick visit.

She is head down and measuring right on time.

Her heartbeat was very strong and my midwife is shocked to see how I am ALL baby.

Every single time she sees me she always tells me, "Man your all baby" and she repeats it a few times. I guess I am rare case?! LOL

I start going to the Dr's every 2 weeks now, which feels so weird! 

I don't feel like I am close to having her at all, I still feel like it is forever away.

All Baby! :)

Well I am off to finish homework then go to school.

Happy Wednesday ya'll! :)

Nikki♥

School

So I started school two weeks ago and I am loving it.

I get out of the house for a few hours on M & W and actually see people my own age.

Talk about other things then babies and baby gear (which I love to talk about)

BUT I forgot about homework.. BLAH!

I am stoked to be in school and I am doing it to better my future but also for my daughter's future. I don't want to struggle like my parents did. I want to take care of my family.

I want to be able to do the things my parents couldn't.

I get off topic real fast... any who homework is the death of me!

I forgot how many hours you have to spend on it.

I just spent 5 hours last night on JUST math! I was shocked and my brain was totally fried.

Good thing though I just passed my three quizzes with flying colors :)

So I guess it pays off LOL

Now I have English homework to work on and this is a tad more difficult for myself.

Not English in general just the topic.

I have to to write a narrative essay about an experience where I felt empowered.

It can be a positive or negative experience and for some reason the only thing my brain can think about is when the sperm donor left me when we found out I was pregnant.

How I was empowered to do the right thing for my child and go back to school to better my life for her.

But it just seems like such a very personal matter, I just don't know if I want my WHOLE class or a few classmates knowing my struggle.

Then again I think it is a great way for me to really get all my thoughts and feelings into that paper. 

I have to start my brain-storming on it today so we shall see what I end up with.

My rough draft is due Monday so I guess I better make up my mind now.

Well I am off to do English homework, dr's appointment, then more homework with my friend Stacey!

Hope you all have a great Tuesday!

P.S. I was thinking about getting together with whoever is in Southern California and maybe do a lunch. Would anyone in the are be interested?

twenty eight & award

Dear Babygirl,

Thank you so much for staying inside of me for twenty eight weeks.

You are truly my miracle baby since I was NEVER supposed to have children.

I can not wait to meet you and see what you look like. 

You amaze me everyday with the strength you have inside of me. 

Kicking me, punching me and rolling around in there.

I hope I am taking really good care of you and you like everything I eat.

I am very anxious for you to get here but I also could have you in my tummy forever.

You are my whole entire world and I will do anything for you and to keep you safe.

Never be afraid to tell me anything, and please know I am here not to judge you but to give you advice and lead you in the right direction.

I love you babygirl always and forever!

28 weeks

Onto other news:

So I got another award from the stylish and great The Paper Mama!

I am very thrilled! :)

1. Thank and link back to the person who awarded you the award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.

3.I'm supposed to share this with 15 bloggers... BUT, I'm going to narrow it down JUST a bit. 15 seems like a lot right now while I'm getting ready for school. So just a few :)

7 things about me:

1. I am naturally blonde
2. I am school to become a nurse
3. I LOVE taking photos and trying to start my photo company
4. I am very talkative and loud BUT I can be very shy
5. I love mexican food, and really food in general
6. Not working these few last months are killing me! I actually miss work..I know weird LOL
7. I love coffee but allergic to caffeine :(

And the award goes to:

1. Sarah at her sea of love
2. Chelsea at THREE BIRDS
3. Danielle at Sometimes Sweet
4. Marcella at Mar & Peej
5. Dani at Little Surprises
6. Cassie at Baby Makes Two

So on a different note who is going to BlogHer'11?

It is San Diego, CA which I am stoked about because that is super close to me!

But I am not 100% on what it is and who is going to be there.

I dont have any sponsors for my blog so is it pointless for me to go?

I want to meet everyone I blog with and I figured this would be a great way to do that!

Let me know if you are going! :)

Off to school on go on this chilly Thursday!

Hope you all have a great day!! 

oh how I dream

So my Valentine this year I guess is horrible at picking gifts.

So I hear from everyone around me and it just makes me laugh.

Its's just Valentines day, no biggie in my book.

Well my Valentine wants to make it extra special since I am pregnant and it is our first together.

So he keeps asking me what I want to do for it, where I want to go etc.

Well I haven't celebrated Valentines Day in almost 2 years so I have no clue.

I am not one of those girls that has to be proven that they are loved by a hallmark holiday.

But I guess it is nice to get nice things, get flowers and go out to dinner :)

So I made this for my Valentine!

I thought  it was cute and maybe he will stop bugging me LOL :)

Does your better half or hubby not like planning things?

Not very romantic? 

Do you have to drop hints too?!

Hope you all have a great Tuesday!

when is it good enough

Sometimes I feel like whatever I do is never good enough. I somehow disappoint someone in my life and that is a really hard for me to deal with. I am a people pleaser and I want to make everyone happy including myself. But for some reason when I am making myself happy, I am letting someone else down or at least thats how it makes me feel.


I understand when you are in a relationship you have to worry about someone else's needs, wants, desires, and feelings. And for successful relationships/marriages there needs to be communication on both sides and it needs to be open freely. But what happens when the other person's needs are not being met but not because you do not want to fulfill them just because you physically, and emotionally cant in the state you are in? What are you supposed to do then? How do you make them understand?




I have had a failed marriage and I am so scared all my future relationship(s) are going to end that way. I know why my marriage died and could not be revived until you were blue in the face. I went to counseling to figure some things out and it was such a great learning tool. But now I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I do not know how the other person feels in my situation because every time  I try to talk about it, it does not go over too well. I usually just get the cold shoulder, or no responses at all. Which makes myself even more frustrated and makes me want to not communicate at all.

All I can say is I have been really trying and really hoping for a breakthrough. Really hoping that the other person will talk to me, and feel comfortable talking to me. I just cross my fingers and pray every night that it will not end up like my marriage.

weekend recap

So this weekend was bittersweet.

I lost my Grandad Dee to Cancer on Friday.

It was his time, he was 77 and now he is not in pain.

I am slowly starting to realize it's for the best.

On Saturday, Jason, his sister, brother in law and I all ventured down to Hollywood.

I have lived in Southern California for 23 years and never been to Hollywood.

It wasn't what I had expected but it was a lot of fun.

We walked the strip saw the hand prints in front of the theater and went to a wax museum.

It was a lot of walking and I was so tired all of Sunday.

My belly feels really sore and I think thats because of the walking lol.

Sunday was our lazy day.

We stayed in and just watched TV and hung out.

It was nice for me to just relax and not be out doing anything.

I start school today which I am totally freaking out but totally excited for!

Well here are some photos from Saturday :)

Happy Monday Ya'll!

not so crafty

I love reading blogs where it inspires me to do something.

And a lot of the blogs I read the moms are very crafty.

I am just not one of those moms to be.

I wish I could vision things when I am at the craft store 

but I am just a lost cause haha.

I wish I could have my own esty store and make the things that I see 

I have tried trust me, I have tried very hard.

It just does not come easy for me.

Blogging baby bump

Anywho I woke up very early today.

I was up by 730am. Usually I am up by 900am.

So I got up, made panckaes watched tv

cleaned a little, did the dishes and got dressed.

All before 1015am! I was impressed with myself :)

Lets see if I can do that once I have the baby hahaha wishful thinking

It is another beautiful day so I think I am going to take a stroll on the beach and just relax.

Go to Barnes and Nobles, browse around and read a few books.

I need to start babygirls book selection so I can read to her everynight.

The books say to have a night time routine from the beginning,

So I think mine will be reading her a book every night so then she 

knows its bedtime :)

Well I am off to enjoy this day! 

third trimester

Beautiful Weather!

So I am finally here!

I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

This pregnancy has been a roller coaster for me.

I feel horrible saying I cant wait for it to be over but then there is a part 

of me that wishes she could stay inside of me forever.

Its safe in there, there's no boys haha and I know where she is at, at all the times.

But I cant wait to meet her, see what she looks like and hold her.

Amazingly a part of me is going to miss her little kicks that I feel when she wakes up everyday. And when shes getting ready for bed.

So I am officially twenty seven weeks, which is officially

the first day of my last trimester.

I have thirteen more weeks till I get to meet my beautiful babygirl.

Thirteen weeks feels forever away but I know it will be here before I know it.

I just cant wait to see how much she is like me once she is here. 

I created this little person and I am so beyond excited to meet her!

And I have officially started gaining baby weight! 

Pre-Pregnancy: 135lbs 

27 Weeks: 140lbs

This is a huge milestone for me! :)

27 weeks

Happy Wednesday Everyone <3

This week is going to be a very tough week for myself and my family.

My Grandad Dee is dieing from cancer. It is so sad to see him go.

I am more emotional with being pregnant and I dont want my babygirl to feel sadness because I am.

I am there for my Grandad in his last few days and being with family is making it a lot easier.

It was especially hard when my Nana broke down crying yesterday.

I have never seen her cry before. It was horrible, my heart still aches from the pain of her tears.

So please keep myself and my family in your hearts and prayers this week.

Grandad Dee Racing

On a better note I am in my third trimester!

I am back to feeling really tired and I dont have energy anymore.

I really liked having energy ;)

I am feeling more comfortable about giving birth and going into labor.

I have stressed to my midwife the kind of birth I want and she is totally on board.

I am going to write my birth plan today because she wants a copy.

And I am going to start seeing other midwives in the practice so if mine 

is not available at the time of birth then they know exactly what I want also.

I really feel like I can do this naturally and labor at home for as long as possible.

I am so happy with my decision on having a natural birth. Hopefully with my next child it can be an at home birth :)

So my family and I are obsessed with this application called WordFeud!

We play against each other all day and it was so much fun.

Its like scrabble and I keep in touch with my loved ones.

I fell asleep playing it last night.... oopps lol

The weather here has been amazing.

In the low to high seventy's all week and last week.

I have been defiantly been outside taking advantage of it.

I took Jack for a walk yesterday and plan on one today again today.

I think walking will help with labor and get me in shape. I get so winded now which is not so good lol.

I have decided I want to start eating healthier and everything.

I was eating really well before but now I havent been so good.

I have a bladder disease so I cant have much because it will irritate it.

So I have been looking for new recipes to put in my recipe box but nothing I have found that sound good.

I want natural, organic, healthy meals but that dont taste healthy.

Is that hard to come by? Does anybody know any good cook books??

My bladder disease

I would love to become vegan but I am not sure how to approach it or where to start.

Any advice is more then welcome! :)

Well I am off to start my day and start being healthier :)

Have a great Tuesday!

Jack and I on our walk yesterday

Sibling Hurt

So I really don't know how to type this or really talk about this but I need to get it out there, maybe just maybe I can get some answers. Also maybe someone else has gone through what I am going through and  can lend some advice. 

My younger brother and I have been through a lot in our life. We had parents that weren't always there, that chose drugs and men/women before their children. I understand now that I am older it was an addiction and I understand what addictions can make a person do and don't do. We saw our dad get arrested more then once, which is enough to do some damage on a child. Our mother was in and out of our lives, by her choice and most times not. We went to go live with our Aunt and Uncle who got custody of us. It was the best thing to happen for us and I thank God every day that it happened. I would never change my childhood because it has made me the person I am today. I just wish my parents knew how to be parents when we were younger. 

Myself, Brother, and Older Siter

We went through counseling through the courts, and made sure the transition was not too hard on us as children. It was going to be hard no matter what, we didnt have a parents around. My brother was still really young, about five years old when all of this was happening. He still didnt know the affect of things just quite yet. Myself on the other hand knew exactly what most of it meant and it went deep. We got to go back to our father how about 3 years later and I thought it was going to be different but it wasnt. Our father was still a drug addict.

We saw everything we shouldn't do, and we saw first hand what drugs and addiction does to a person. I went through more counseling once I got in my teens and even in my early twenties. I had to learn how to let go and forgive my parents. Didn't mean I was ever going to forget the pain and everything I went through.

Christmas 2010

Well I do not know how my brother was feeling, or what he personally went through because he didn't talk much about it. Now we are both adults and my brother has been having a rough time. It breaks my heart to see everything he has been going through but he has to learn on his own like everyone else. Our family is always there to pick you up when you fall but I feel like he is taking advantage of it. Just like our father used to do. 

I believe my brother is bi-polar. He can go from 0-60 in a matter of minutes. He will and can start a fight with anyone on a drop of a dime. He has told myself and other family that he is better then us. He is always right and you are always wrong. He thinks everyone he comes into contact with is on drugs, including myself. I miss being close with my brother but when I see his name pop up on my caller id I start to get anxiety, because I know it will end up with him cursing me out and hanging up on me. He has something against me, he hates me for some reason and I don't know why. We used to be super close, and now any chance he can get he will curse me out, be little me or just try to start a fight with me. It is so hurtful the things he says to me and I try not to let it get to me but its harder when its someone you really care about.

Beach Day 2009

I am so close to stop going to family events that I know he will be attending just to avoid the tension, and the drama. My family barely even knows the things he says to me, and it is just a very depressing situation. I am at a loss right now. I have prayed and prayed but nothing has changed. I just don't know what to do anymore. It hurts my heart so much. I have tried talking to my family about my concerns but they say he will get better, and  thats just who he is. I don't want my daughter growing up thinking its okay for her uncle to treat her mommy the way he is. No one should ever treat anyone that way. And I do not want my daughter around that crap either, she doesn't need to go through what I went through as a child. 

My heart is really hurting. I feel like I am at a loss. 

twenty six

Another week down!

I cant believe I only have a few more weeks!

I cant wait to meet babygirl, shes my whole world.

Here is babygirl in her little home :)

Hope you all have a great Thursday!

Off to run errands :)

And the award goes to....

ME!! Yay I got a blog award from Sarah @ Overthinking Mama!

It totally has brighten up my day and I couldnt be happier :)

So thank you Sarah for being so kind hearted and sweet!

I have a few questions I need to answer so here they are:

With great power, comes great responsibility, so, as the rules state, I must link back to the award giver, answer some questions, which I will do next, and lastly, I forward this award on to others that I deem worthy.

1. If you blog anonymously, are you happy doing this? If you aren't anonymous, do you wish you started out anonymously, so that you could be anonymous now?

I am not anonymous and  I happy to have the blog world know me as me. I dont want to hide behind a computer. I want myself to really come through in my posts. 

2. Describe an incident that shows your inner stubborn side. 

Ummm I am always stubborn. There are probably too many occasions to count. LOL Even if I am wrong about something I will fight it till the end. (not about serious subjects though) Its quite entertaining ;)

3. What do you see when you really look at yourself in the mirror?

I see the 17 year old me. I dont feel like I am going to be 24 in May. I still and feel as if I a a teenager getting thrown into the world. I see a young level headed woman who has her shit together and knows whats she wants. I see someone who always tries to do good, and see the good in everyone.

4. What is your favourite summer cold drink?

Frozen Lemonade or a Slurpee 

5. When you take time for yourself, what do you do?

Take a bath, go to the beach and sun bathe, go take pictures of nature. Sometimes shop

6. Is there something that you still want to accomplish in your life?

I would like to accomplish school. Get a degree in something even if I don't use it. 

7. When you attended school, were you the class clown, the class overachiever, the shy person or always ditching?

Umm amazingly I was the class clown at times. If I felt uncomfortable I would crack jokes so everyone would laugh either with me or at me haha

8. If you close your eyes and want to visualize a very poignant moment in your life, what would you see?

Is it sad to say I dont even know what that word means? LOL and I even looked it up and still confused! 

9. Is it easy for you to share your true self in you blog, or are you more comfortable writing posts about other people and events?

It is very easy to write about myself and my life. I have been blogging since 2008 and it helps release things that I need to let go of. And if I can help someone with my story then thats just an added bonus.

10. If you had the choice to sit down and read a book or talk on the phone, which would you do and why?

I would have to choose reading a book because I love reading and I dont really like talking on the phone. I am kinda weird LOL

And here are some blogs I would love to pass down this award too!

So if you see your name on the list please go ahead and post these q&a on your blog :)(not in any order)

1. Sometimes Sweet
2. Oh Dear Drea
3. Her Sea of Love
4. TART

Well I am off to go to the beach on this beautiful day!! :)