Nov 16, 2010

Truths Of My Life

I try to have no regrets in my life but I sort of do.
I was married once upon a time.
I tried my hardest to keep my marriage together. Yes I did somethings that where wrong
So did he but why doesnt he see what he did?
It still tears me up inside that I never got to tell myside.
All of our friends only know his side, which portrays me as a horrible person.
It brings me to tears everytime thinking about it.
I am not that person he has in his head. We were young, and messed up. We made mistakes.
Why doesnt anyone care about my story of it all?

I wasnt on being divorced at 23 and pregnant with a bastard child.
I am smarter then this. Why did I get dealt the cards I was?
I am thankful for my child, but emotionally it has taken a toll on me.
Being rejected by someone you thought you loved is very hurtful.
I had goals and plans for my life. A baby wasnt supposed to be in it yet.
I was going to be older with a carrer, a loving caring husband, and the life I was wanted.
Please dont take this wrong the way, I love my life. Bumps and all.

My life has never been easy. And I am thankful for that.
I know what it means to work for what you have.
Never take anything or anyone for granted in my life.
I just dont want my child to go through what I had to.
A broken home, a mother that was never there.
A father emotionall/mentally disconnected.
I know I am not my parents and I never lived there life but still. Its hard.

I have prayed to God for forgiveness and asked the ones I hurt for forgiveness.
But I still feel like everyone I know looks at me in a negative way.
My ex-husband still talks bad about me to all our friends and its so hard to handle it!
I just wish he would mind his own life, and keep mine out of his mouth.
He says some hurtful things, things I never thought I would hear come out of his mouth.
I understand he's hurt, but dont hurt me even more along the way.

Everyone has there breaking point and I guess this is mine.
I act so strong but how long can you truly be strong until it all burts?
I dont even feel like I can trust that many people anymore because of how many times I have been screwed over.
I am making a better life for my baby and myself.
I am making something of myself and proving everyone wrong.
Everyone who is judging me, and everyone who is watching waiting for me to fall flat on my face.
To everyone told me that I couldnt do something.

More importantly, I am living my life for myself from now on.
All I ever wanted to do in life was make someone proud of me.
Maybe I can make my child proud of me, to call them there Mommy.


Anonymous said...

Aww I know exactly how you feel and to be honest, I still feel that way sometimes. Especially being only 19 and watching my friends go to college and live the life I only wish I had. Things happen for a reason though and I love my daughter more than anything. It will just be a tad bit harder to get where I want to be in life, but one day I will and I'm sure you're going to be a great mom!

Little Sugar Monster

kriznizzel said...

Poor thing sounds like you are dealing with a lot at the moment hope you are feeling better soon.

Nikki @ Single Life Of A Mommy said...

Its harder then I thought. But now that I have vented and cried I need to pick up and move on! :)

Thanks for the support

Nikki @ Single Life Of A Mommy said...
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