Mar 5, 2009

i hate my body && it hates me too

i know i have A LOT of medical problems but today it was so embarrassing! i was at my new job and my bladder problem (IC) started acting up, which feels like the symptoms of a UTI and if you have ever had one it hurts! I was stuck in the bathroom for 30 mins which is a short flare but still i felt so stupid. I know its a medical problem, there is no cure and i have to deal with it and i cant control it but still. There is so many things i cant eat or do because of my bladder problem.I also have Acid Reflux and whatever i cant eat for my bladder i cant eat for my acid reflux! Then on top of it i am allergic to latex! Ughh now they say i have ovarian cysts which could always turn into ovarian cancer. Ugh when is it going to end, oh yea I had cervical cancer 2-3 years ago!! I am just over "being sick" I just want to be normal, eat and do normal things! I hate telling people "oh thanks but I cant eat that" its like thats the only thing i say all the time. I know no one is "normal" and there are people worse off then me and i feel there pain but i dont want sympathy i just want to be fixed! i hate running off to the doctors for every little thing because people think i am crazy but my little things are never that little. Ugh i never had anything normal or come easy in my life. I always struggle in one sense or another. Sometimes i just want to cry and crawl into a hole. but for some reason i keep going, i feel like the little train that could but i dont know where i get the strength. well i hope my body stops torturing me soon, and when i mean soon, like a few years.....


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