May 1, 2010

Life is what you make of it

I was down in the dumps and very discouraged for a few days but then I realized I am in control of everything in my life. I didn't want to be down in the dumps anymore so I fixed my attitude and way of thinking on some things and BAM I am back to my normal go lucky self. I was thinking about my past year and my divorce and the what if's. But you know what?, I tried EVERYTHING I could to save my marriage he was the one who gave up and sent me away. He gave me money and told me to leave to my mom's. If he truly loved me the way you said he did when he promised me his life on our wedding day then it wouldn't have been that easy to send me away no matter what.

And then on top of it I was getting discouraged about my photography. I feel like it is a big joke. That no one is going to take me seriously. I have posted ad's up, I have started a facebook business for it and everything. I just feel like no one is taking me seriously and I just want to give up. I know if I do give up then I will regret it later down the road because I love taking pictures and I love the feeling it gives me when I am editing the pictures and see the true raw emotions. I am building my portfolio so I think that is why I am so discouraged. Is because I have not booked anything yet and I am still in the beginning stages. I know once I grow as a photographer it will get better. And I follow other photographer blogs and they felt the same I am feeling even years after they have been successful. I guess you don't see your success and you are your own worst critic in life.

So my favorite, the mister, the boyfriend (i have a million names for him lol) and I are doing great. We have been together a few months and I wouldn't trade it for the world. He is a fresh of breath air from anything I have ever known. And someone recently just said he's "not my type" and I kinda just laughed and said I know and thats what I really like about him! I am attracted to him physically and his personality. He lets me be me and I let him be him. I don't feel the need to keep tabs on him whenever he goes out (I am in Texas, he is in Cali) I trust him 100% and I know he would never doing anything to hurt me. I know he is always telling me the truth and he has no reason to lie. Coming from a dysfunctional relationship to this one is so great. I finally know how it feels to truly trust my partner. And you all may think I am crazy because we just started dating but let me remind you I have known him for years and he's always been that great guy. I am on cloud nine and staying there so please do not try to knock me off! =] But in May he is leaving for 7 months (Navy) and I am very upset about it. I swore up and down, left and right I would never do another deployment, but I guess never say never lol. The good thing about this is we can still Skype and we can email like everyday! I am really stoked about that. So it won't be as bad as what I have gone through with no communication in the past (even though I think it was just my ex not calling cause he's a jerk)

Life in general is really what you make of it. You decide if you want to be happy, you decide if you want to be successful. No one else can make your decisions for you. And if you have God in your life helping you make decisions you will lead a very happy and healthy life. I thank God every day for my life and what he has given me. He has given me a second chance on love and I am very thankful for the man he brought into my life.


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