Nov 2, 2010

Meltdowns, Romance, And Happiness

I swear I have had more meltdowns during this pregnancy then I have ever had in my life. These hormones are killer. At least I can warn people that I am just in the mood to be messed with when I know I will snap lol. I wish I could control the horomones better but I am do the best I can do. And for my first pregnancy I think I am doing a pretty good job. :) If I know the little things are bugging me I just want open my mouth because I know its just me being pregnant. But I had a meltdown where I was crying the other day. Just looking at my finances and figuring out how I am going to pay for the large items (travel system, crib, etc.) since I am a single mother with no help from the biological dad. I do have other people helping me but I am not the type to just ask for things. I like to work hard for my things and now my baby things. I guess I need to let my guard down and just ask. Here are the items I want :)

Chicco Keyfit 30 in Miro
Ju Ju Be Diaper Bag
Da Vinci Roxy - BRU
But all of these are a pretty penny and I am saving as much as I can so I am hoping before the baby arrives I will have enough for all of it. I dont need the crib right away since I have a bassinet and that holds up to 40lbs.

I have just been happier since my morning sickness has fully gone away. *Knocks on wood* I am finally getting exicted for this pregnancy. I never thought I would be depressed about having a baby since I was diagnosed not being able to convieve children. But it is amazing how someone elses words can really affect you. I am finally learning too that me and this baby are going to be just fine. No matter where we end up, or what happens we will be just fine and get through life together. God would have not given me this gift if I was not ready and not strong enough to handle it. Sometimes I wish it was just eaiser but I know everything will work out just fine. I have an amazing support group, that makes me tear up just thinking about it :)

I am sad to say that my brother and I are still not on speaking terms. When I was in California visiting he was just straight up rude and got in my face about things that I didnt even do or say or act like. It breaks my heart and I just cried about it because I miss us being close. He has no idea how much this is killing me inside. He still doesnt believe that I am pregnant, why would I lie about something like that!?! I have ultrasounds and dr notes proving that I am. It amazes me how much he can hurt his own family members and have no remorse. I just wish I could say he is welcome around his niece or nephew but with the rate and the things he is saying to people close to me, he will not be welcome. God only knows what negative and untrue things he will say to my child. Why would I want that around myself? I pray constantly about this situation and it is all in God's hands now.




1 comment:

Mandy said...

Love that diaper bag!! And I hear you about the morning sickness... I had it bad and I felt so much better and less emotional once it went away!