Aug 28, 2008

why dont they care?

have you ever felt that you want to be accepted by your parents and you want them to love you? well i feel like every day of my life. my parents just dont get it. lets start off with my dad: hes more in love with his drugs and gambling then anyone else, he only has girlfriends for the sex and a place to stay. hes 53 years old and he doesnt have a job, his mom pays all of his bills and he barely took care of his kids. he had a pretty freakin easy life if you ask me. always going to family and bailing him out. i know our family will always be there for me but i dont ever want to abuse that right like my father did. so i get married and i move away to NC from CA and he has called me once since I have been here. I have been here almost 3 months! wow he really cares about me. it huts deep down to be neglected from him. i know i say i dont care but i think about it all the time. I wish I wouldnt care anymore after all the times he has disappointed me and let me down. i truly think and feel deep down somewhere i HATE him!

Now on to my "mom": she left us kids when we were little she has all these excuses why and blames everything on my dad but she cant take any responsibility. she might take a little now but still blames the majority on my dad. i never know who to believe because the drugs have screwed up both my parents so bad they cant tell the truth from a lie! anyways when i was in high school she never really tried to contact me, and she only lived 30 mins away from me! she always waited for me to come around and i think that was bullshit because she was the one who ALWAYS let me and my siblings down! but she doesn't see where she is ever wrong! my mom has a really bad temper and will hurt you emotionally because she feels like shit about her life. well lets fast forward..i lived with her my senior year of high school cuz i thought it would be a nice change from my dad cuz i couldnt trust him anymore but it wasnt. she is very controlling has to have it her way! nothing you do is right everything you do is wrong. she twists your words and the only ppl she cares about is george, and the twins. she never cared about me. she left me and my sibling along time ago and she moved on! now she came to my wedding and it was civil but when we went out to eat to day before the wedding with the whole wedding party she offered to pay my sisters lunch and not mine and it was my fucking wedding!!! i understand she hasn't seen my sister since she was 8 but thats not my fault!! i felt soo pissed and hurt. but my cousin jacque was there and took care of it. once you think you can trust her or shes coming around she does something and your just like wtf?!?! and to mention she never once asked if i needed help with my wedding never once asked if she could help in anyway! all she did was bitch how expensive the twins dress && tux was!

I am OVER my parents! They dont want to be in my life then they dont have to me! Its a 2-way street not a 1-way street! So im done if they want to be apart of my life then they can call me and do what they have to do. But from this moment on I DONT HAVE PARENTS!

1 comment:

Kari said...

Baby Girl, There isn't anything anyone could say to ease your pain. I knowing it must feel crushing at times. Remember me when you feel lost and adrift and think nobody cares about your pain and knows the situation. I can't make it better for you Love Bug, but I can listen and I can keep telling you that you truly are a daughter to cherish and one to be proud of. We don't share the same blood but you sure have a huge chunk of my heart and I thank God he brought you into my life. I love you Nicole. Your Step-Mommy
(without ties to the aforementioned Dad)!