so much going through my mind..

so i dont even know where to begin. lets start with my husband, i try to be there for him about his job (hes a marine) and hes talking about how he might go to afghan this next deployment and how there smarter then iraqis and that scares me because hes on the front lines. ugghh i cry everytime it comes up i just cant handle that i cant handle knowing so much. i dont want to be a widow at 22 years old ( when he gets back my bday would have passed).

then my dad tries mending things with me but then doesnt talk to me for a week! hes probably back with one of his ex-girlfriends doing his drugs and partying it up but reality is going to kick him in the ass and i wont care. i just dont want to care that he doesnt care about me. i dont want his drug problem to be his excuse anymore i want him to fuckin own up to his mistakes and take fuckn responsiblity for it. you would think he screwed me up enough in the head he would have learned! ugghhh i need thearpy because of him && my mom. why cant i just yell at both my parents just scream at them and then never let them back in my life??!! why cant i just let go and let the past be the past and move on from my parents why do i have to try for them to love me and care about me and care about my life??

NMK