May 21, 2009

dear deployment: I HATE YOU!

deployments are so hard. living in our house being reminded every day of my husband is that fighting in a war for my life and everyone else's makes me so sad. i am scared for his life and as well as his friends life's. I dont want anyone i know not to come home from this deployment. I haven't heard from him since he left, about 5 days now and I am not worried yet but if this is the taste of the deployment with no phones i am gonna be crying 24/7. thank goodness school and work is keeping me so occupied. i did good this whole week until one tree hill was so mushy and crap lol. i just hope i am strong enough to get through this without breaking down all the time. i know i have a strong soul but this is different. over coming my medical problems and trying to be "normal" as possible was tough but day by day i am getting used to the idea god made me unique for a reason. and i know there is a reason travis is deployed and god will keep him safe. i just hate sleeping in our bed without him, cooking our foods that we like and going places we always go to. not to mention almost everyone i know has there husbands home. i just forgot what deployments take and how much it takes a toll on your heart soul and mind. its hard to be strong all the time, but no one truly understands this until you have been married to a military person in the face of danger for 7 months.

I just pray everyday i get through this and i get a phone call or letter or something besides marine's knocking on my door to hand me a letter letting me know my husband passed away. i know its horrible to think that way but if you never prepare yourself for the worst then when it does happen you just fall into a million pieces. i am not saying that will happen to my husband because he is strong knows what he is doing and loves to do it. But some things are non preventable, ie; roadside bombs and sucide bombers and snipers. i just couldnt live my life without him. he is my main support person and the person i can always tell anything to! he doesnt judge me and loves me for me with all of my problems.

Please lord keep himself and bring him home.

<3 NMK

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