Apr 10, 2010

And its back!

So ever since I stopped taking all my medicines from the Dr's for my interstitial cystitis and my birth control I was perfectly normal again! I could drink and eat whatever I wanted for almost a year I was shocked and thrilled! But now I am slowly getting flares back and I don't know what is causing them. I am frustrated and mad at myself to think that my problem was gone. I drink plenty of water on a daily basis, I drink my cranberry juice that helps me and I have been staying away from all the bad stuff once again and nothing is helping again. I really want to just break down and cry again but I know I need to be strong again. I am just so upset because I finally thought I was going to be able to lead a "normal" healthy life and BAM! It blind sided me like a bad car accident. I doubled over in pain at work and tears immediately came to my bright green eyes because I knew what this meant. I knew that I was still sick and some how it has come back. The weird thing is I haven't done anything different in almost a year except for move states. And I have a new boyfriend that I just told this to and I'm scared hes going to go run for the hills. This disease doesn't leave much room for me to do things and when I am in a flare I cant move, I can barely speak the pain is so bad. The upside to all of this is my flares have been only lasting for 20 mins or so. They used to last for hours on end. One time ( I blogged about it) I had a flare for 13 hours straight. If my body starts going back to the long flares, I don't know what I am going to do. When I was in the worst of my pain I was in a dark place in my life and I NEVER want to go back there. I never wanted to feel this pain ever again in my life and now its back. For how long, I don't know and thats the scary thing of it all. I just don't want to go living my life around my IC. I want to live my life for me. If this issue continues I don't know how I am ever going to be able to keep a career or a long term job. Because when I get a flare I am down and out, there is no way I can work through one unless I can flush it out of my system while at work which most people/places don't understand. I'm scared. Please keep me in your prayers that whatever made it go away in the first place, it goes away again but for good.

<3NMS

2 comments:

Damien said...

Isn't this the same dude that you were saying would give his life for you a couple of blog posts back?

Miss Nikki said...

Would give his life no.. Move to Texas for me yes. But there's only so much a person can endure with another person until there is resentment, right? You probably think I have a weird way of thinking, and I probably do but I feel like most of the time I am a burden on people. Not just boyfriends. Thats why I said that. He never said it I did.