Jun 3, 2010

Healing Time?!!?

When is my heart going to be finally healed?! I want it back, I want to be able to love again! Its been a year since everything. I guess I still have another year to go. They always say after a break up you have to give yourself two years to completely get yourself back. I really hope that is true. It's not that I am still in love with him but I still dont have all of myself back. I have dated some good guys, and some complete idiots but I am glad I am out there dating and seeing what type of guy I like now a days. But to tell you the truth, I dont look for these guys, they find me and pursue me until I agree to a date! haha :) First time for me because I used to be chasing the guys. Never thought the tables would turn.

I have a life changing opportunity that I am going to accept if everything happens in the right order. I have been offered to be an Au Pair in Holland for a year starting in August 2010! I am in the mist of figuring everything out, and I still cant believe this might actually happen! This would be the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I would love to travel for a year in Holland. I am just praying to God that it works out and I will be there in August. I really need this break and try something new. Go out of my comfort zone, and travel and see different cultures. And then after a year in Holland, I want to spend six months-a year in New Zealand where I am family out there too. Maybe do some schooling in both. Live abroad. Learn some different languages, and learn something new everyday. I think this will be the best thing for my heart and my life. Give me time to mend and heal without any distractions.

I know God puts people in your life for reasons even if you don't know at the time. But I really want to know why he put someone in my life right now that I really adore? Well several people actually. I really hope these people are still in my life once I get back from my traveling adventure. :)I will never forget these people and how they make me feel every time I am around them. I finally feel like my life has meaning again, I am actually going somewhere with my life. I have a purpose again.

Is it bad that I dont believe in forever, love, marriage, relationships? That I will never find someone (even though I'm not looking) who can commit to me fully and know how to be with me and everything that is attached to that? There has to be my soul mate out there somewhere. I dont even think I believe that anymore. I dont believe in the fairy tales, or I dont even have an image of a man that I want for the rest of my life. Maybe I am meant to be alone forever.

Work time!

<3 NMS

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