Meltdowns, Romance, And Happiness

I swear I have had more meltdowns during this pregnancy then I have ever had in my life. These hormones are killer. At least I can warn people that I am just in the mood to be messed with when I know I will snap lol. I wish I could control the horomones better but I am do the best I can do. And for my first pregnancy I think I am doing a pretty good job. :) If I know the little things are bugging me I just want open my mouth because I know its just me being pregnant. But I had a meltdown where I was crying the other day. Just looking at my finances and figuring out how I am going to pay for the large items (travel system, crib, etc.) since I am a single mother with no help from the biological dad. I do have other people helping me but I am not the type to just ask for things. I like to work hard for my things and now my baby things. I guess I need to let my guard down and just ask. Here are the items I want :)

Chicco Keyfit 30 in Miro

Ju Ju Be Diaper Bag

Da Vinci Roxy - BRU

But all of these are a pretty penny and I am saving as much as I can so I am hoping before the baby arrives I will have enough for all of it. I dont need the crib right away since I have a bassinet and that holds up to 40lbs.

I have just been happier since my morning sickness has fully gone away. *Knocks on wood* I am finally getting exicted for this pregnancy. I never thought I would be depressed about having a baby since I was diagnosed not being able to convieve children. But it is amazing how someone elses words can really affect you. I am finally learning too that me and this baby are going to be just fine. No matter where we end up, or what happens we will be just fine and get through life together. God would have not given me this gift if I was not ready and not strong enough to handle it. Sometimes I wish it was just eaiser but I know everything will work out just fine. I have an amazing support group, that makes me tear up just thinking about it :)

I am sad to say that my brother and I are still not on speaking terms. When I was in California visiting he was just straight up rude and got in my face about things that I didnt even do or say or act like. It breaks my heart and I just cried about it because I miss us being close. He has no idea how much this is killing me inside. He still doesnt believe that I am pregnant, why would I lie about something like that!?! I have ultrasounds and dr notes proving that I am. It amazes me how much he can hurt his own family members and have no remorse. I just wish I could say he is welcome around his niece or nephew but with the rate and the things he is saying to people close to me, he will not be welcome. God only knows what negative and untrue things he will say to my child. Why would I want that around myself? I pray constantly about this situation and it is all in God's hands now.



Weekend Update

So this weekend I had a bad allerigic reaction to strawberries. I had this bad rash underneath my chin and my throat was swollen where it hurt to swallow anything. Thankfully children's bendryal was my savor and really helped with the swelling and rash. I cried to myself because I am so miserable. I have to sit at work M-F 8-5 and try to be "normal" even though I keep running back and forth to the bathroom dry heaving. Then reading  about some people's pregnancy and they never got relief until 16 weeks or longer. I hate being the debbie downer but right now I cant help it. I swear celebrities and people never tell you about how horrible the first tirmester can be! And to imagine I couldnt wait to be pregnant. Ugh I think I am going to get my tubes tied after this haha (JK).

I am not looking for sympathy but I just need to keep a log of how I feel so whenever I have baby fever again I can read it and remember what I went through. Or when he/she is being a pain in my rear when they are 16 I can show them what I went through for them haha. I swear nothing makes me feel better. I eat, but then 2 hours later I either feel naseous or I am starving. I think what killing me is the naseous feeling 24/7. It never goes away and I think its hear to haunt me forever. I feel like I am being punished for something. I still dont think I have gained any weight in this pregnancy. Ugh I am just so frusturated.

On a good note, I will be 12 weeks Wednesday! Almost to my 2nd tri and I cant wait! Maybe then I will start feeling better and get more energy back. I'm still trying to be postive because I know this is all happening and reminding me that I am doing a very important job, and Baby S is doing great inside my womb. Can you believe my baby is the size of a lime!?! Crazy haha and when I am 12 weeks it will be a size of a plum. I heard the 2nd tri flys by and then the 3rd kinda drags on.

I am really nervous to feel the baby for the first time. I dont know if I will be freaked out or excited. It freaks me out watching my friends videos of there baby's moving inside the womb and you can see it. Kinda makes me want to lose my lunch (but what doesnt these days). And is it possible that plain water makes me want to throw up? Weird I know!

Well here is an 11 week photo: ( I still dont look pregnant lol)

Better?!

When!? When will this morning sickness  ALL DAY sickness go away? I thought I was finally getting over it. I was feeling better more days then feeling sick. I could hold down more food and I was getting super excited because I saw an end in the near future. Now I am back to not believing I will get any relief. And I have to travel soon and I dont know how well this is going to go over. I just wish there was a cure, or a magic food that would make me feel like myself again. I have no had a problem eating but now its like I'm scared to eat. Not knowing how the baby will react to it.

For weeks all the baby wanted was fruit and veggies. I was happy because it was a healthy baby, no weird cravings. Now this week, the 11th week the baby doesnt want veggies or fruit. I couldnt keep down strawberries and now I can feel the apples working them way back up. I know exactly when I am going to get sick I can feel it, good thing though is that after I get sick I dont feel like crud anymore. Its like a relief. I wonder if that is normal? I hear pregnant women tell me all the time how they had a "magic food" that kept the nausea at bay. Well I dont have that. Crackers I get sick, plain water I get sick, now fruit I get sick, anything dairy I get sick. I just cant catch a break. And working 40hrs a week with this is not fun at all. Getting sick at work is probably the most disgusting and unsanitary thing ever haha.

For all my mama's out there, what worked for you!? I have tried everything people have said (ie; ginger, crackers, fresh lemon in water, airline cookies, and many more) So I am down to try ANYTHING!

Well I am off to go to get soymilk because I heard for some women that was there saving grace. Cant be as bad to come back up as the apples and noodles were :(

Wendesday Thoughts

I know I know, I havent posted for a while and I miss it! Let me tell you being pregnant and trying to join the blogger world, and work full time is not an easy job! I feel like my blog is very plain and yucky so this week/weekend I will be updating it to give it flare and sassy-ness!

Finally I feel like I am getting back to my old self. The morning sickness started on the dot right at 6 weeks, got worse at 8 1/2 weeks and now that I am 10 weeks (today) it seems to be giving up a tad! *Knock on wood* 81/2 weeks till now was really bad, where the baby would not let me keep down anything. I didnt think the first 3 months was going to be this hard! I dont know how some women have multiple children. I feel like a big wuss lol. Seems like once I stopped taking the Zofran and prenatels I have felt 10x better. I know I shouldnt stop taking the vitamins but I think that is what is making me sick. I think I will go get the flinstone vitamins and folic acid and see if that helps.

This Saturday they are having a baby expo here in Austin and I think I am going to go. It looks super fun, and free giveaways cant beat that! Plus it will be the highlight of my weekend, since I barely have left the house with this sickness. And then maybe I can meet some young expecting moms too, and learn more about the right baby products I need to get for my child.

In October I am going back home (California) to visit and go to a wedding. I am super excited but then again nervous to fly because I used to take sleeping pills so I could sleep through the flights but this time I cant. So I have no idea what I am going to do. What if I get sick on the plane? Haha Iswear I freak over things that probably will never happen. I miss California very much and all my family and friends out there too! I feel like that is where I am supposed to be but then again I love being in Texas. We will see what happens in the future, you never know I might just end up back in California. :)

Well I hope to become back blogging full time now that I feel much better. I hope I'm not jinxing myself. :) Happy Wednesday everyone!